Is
it a coincidence that several magazine and web articles about parents raising
narcissistic children have been published at the same time that I’m
experiencing problems with conference attendees? The majority feel they are
“entitled” to special treatment. Having managed conferences for over 30 years,
I always have a few at every event who feel they deserve some special
consideration; whether it is not adhering to deadlines or not paying a required
registration fee or just showing up and expecting us to “know who they are”.
As
I’m working on the approaching conferences, I’m encountering an enormous
increase in these narcissists and can’t wait to meet them at the conferences.
I’m running my little research project and want to see what age range the
majority of them are. Recent encounters range from telephone voicemails saying
“Hi, I’m xxxxx (first name only) and just wanted to let you know I’ve changed
my mind” to “I need to have an extension on my deadline, or I can’t get the
onsite registration to work” or even better “your website isn’t working”. OK –
after numerous years you’d think that I would have developed ESP but as I’m
working on multiple events with thousands of people registering am I being unreasonable to expect more information?
A good example is, “I’m calling about XYZ conference, and my name is XYZ and
I’m having a problem so could you please help me?”
Recently
I had a young woman call because she had missed a deadline that had been posted
on the website since January. She was immediately belligerent and had such a
grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement that she argued for a very
long time that she didn’t know about the deadline. Interesting, since she had
been in touch with a committee member for weeks. She wanted to apply for a
special group rate that would give her a considerable discount, but she didn't
feel either the application or deadline rules applied to her. She let me know
that she had booked her flight and her room and now expected be to allowed that
special group low conference fee. Of course, it was MY fault that I didn’t let
her know about the deadline. When I reminded her about the email that had been
sent out clearly stating the deadline. She also swore the email she received
didn’t give the deadline, and it didn’t arrive until a couple of days following
its sent date.
Some
emails that I get are even more absurd than the phone messages. Because people
are so accustomed to texting, they don’t put any identifying information into
their email. A recent example: “I saw your conference on the web and thought it
might be of interest to us” signed by first name only.
We
can probably all agree that we’ve encountered a narcissist here and there in
work or other situations but are we developing into a whole nation (or world)
of narcissists who live in their little bubble? For those of us who have to
deal with these narcissists daily, I can tell you, it takes a lot of time to
figure out what they are trying to convey and to get back to them to confirm
that I have it correct. Heaven knows if I get it wrong (wrong according to what
the narcissist was thinking), I must be the stupidest person in the world.
Even
my personal trainer, a teacher in a middle school, says she has noticed in the
past few years there are a lot more narcissistic middle school students. The
ones who are constantly being fueled by their helicopter mothers are the worst.
She also coaches a girls’ sports team and says it’s worse for the girls who are
in athletics because every girl has to be the team captain. She recently experienced
a problem with both a student and mother when last year’s team captain was
replaced by a new student because she was better athletically. Last year’s
captain and mother refused to accept that the new girl could possibly be
better. The behavior of the past captain’s mother has even gone as far as to
try to destroy the football field because the new girl’s dad is the football
coach.
The
next couple of months will be interesting ones as I run up against these people
in the crazy “zoo-like” on-site atmosphere. I’m ready to run my little research
project. The names of the narcissists are already ingrained in my brain, and I
can predict they will continue to be “problem children” onsite. I’ll just smile
and stick to my guns on the rules and guidelines and give them a taste of the
real world where you don’t always get what you want. Little do they know (or
care because I’m not within their little bubble) that they are a part of my
research!
I hope you don't encounter too many narcissists in your daily lives but if you do, remember:
